Dayum...

Whenever I start feeling good about myself, I come accross stuff that puts me down! There is so much talent out there. Meeting graduate students is inspirational to say the least. But it makes me feel like a dimwit!

Just spent the last two hours reading random blogs. A lot of emotional rambling, yeah some female writing about her friends and her life...interesting read, for a while.

I want to brag too. My life is super cool. Yet I'm always jealous of other people living it up. I'm sure they exaggerate on their blogs. People do in their real lives. I don't like it!

When people write about the best of times and the best of friends and the unforgettable moments, do they really feel all that? Am I an emotionless rock? Are my expectations to high. Or maybe I just don't know how to appreciate life.

When people write about how miserable their lives are, reading about it sends a chill down your spine. Is it really that bad? Am I heartless? Haven't I ever experienced a heart break?

I have travelled a lot, 4 continents, 8 countries, countless cities. I should write a travelogue. But my memory doesn't serve me well.

I know hundreds of people in tons of places. I remember their names and faces. But that's about all. I can't quote, I can't describe.

I've been to 2 pre-schools, 3 schools, and now university from where I am about to graduate. Fortunately I haven't transferred or switched majors. I've had great times. Some of my best times. But I can't put them in writing. I can't even talk about them. Spent countless nights listening to friends talking about their school life, the pranks, the crushes, the silly games, so on and so forth. I can't think of anything worth sharing.

I can go on and on writing about why I cannot write! I've already written a page. I'd make a good spin doctor!

publicity stunt...

so i found this site/forum or whatever you may call it, i'm not that tech savvy, and my vocab is limited. So yeah, back to the site, it collects bloggers from all over pakistan, and abroad (of pakistani origin) and puts an extract of the latest update, and list your blog on their directory of pakistani bloggers. Pretty neat. So i want to be on there. They want regular/active bloggers, with significant blogging over the past 2 months, so here i am, with a pointless post. But don't fret, i'll be back with more pointless rambling, without the ulterior motive! All i want is more traffic!

Bloody pneumo...

Left : "Righty! You alright bro?! I think I heard something pop..."
Right: "Uh, I'm not sure, I'm losing air...shit, theres a leak!"
Left: "Dude! You're shrinking! Do something, plug it!"
Right: "Hmm, I think I got it...shit, I can't take in air! Looks like the leaked air is trapped and pressing on to me...what am I gonna do, this it it! We're dead bro!"
Left: "I don't know about you, but I'm not done yet! Just hold on, I'll try and cover up for the both of us. Don't you dare give up on me! I mean it!"
Right: "I'll try, but I don't know how long I can hold on..."
Later...
Right: "Ow ow ...ouch!!"
Left: *puff puff* "you okay?"
Right: "Something's poking on to me...OUCH!!"
Left: "What is it? You're scaring me, I can't go on like this forever!"
Right: "I don't know, looks like a big ass needle...damn it's wide... and long...owww!...looks like a tube of some sort, I think we're at the hospital."
Left:"Yeah I've been getting some nice clean oxygen...what's that noise?"
Right: "Aaah...finally! I can feel the pressure lifting, I think its sucking out the air, phew!"
Left: "Thankgod! You alright now?"
Right:"Yeah, though the darn thing bruised me all over! And thankyou man, couldn't have done it without you..."
Left: "I did it for myself too...we're a team, a family! Though it's a good thing he doesn't smoke...there's no way I could have covered for the both of us covered in tar and nicotine!"
Right: "Yep, I would have had gone all the way too...alrighty then, back to business, take care!"

I'm bored...

I could be studying, doing homework, out partying. But no, I'm sitting in my room, on a friday night waiting for something to happen. It just might, or I might just lie in bed thinking about totally random stuff, stuff that I may mention further down in this post, that I thought up last night. My mom thought I spent too much time thinking. Maybe she was right. I'd just sit there, lost, legs curled up, back arched, head buried in my knees. She'd ask me, what I was thinking, and I'd usually have no answer. Its not like it was something in particular, that I could just blurt out and be done with. I'd be planning my path to success, fame and fortune; or a bollywood style romance. Am I crazy?
So last night, I was thinking of something to write about, and pondering on the current situation my life was in. Taking the cliched analogy of life being a path littered with forks, crossroad, speed bumps and what not, and the even more cliched, stepping off the trodden path, I was trying to figure out where I stood at this point in time. I came to the conclusion, thinking in terms of the Interstate highway system, that I was on a long stretch without a destination or crossroad in sight. I could very well be on the tri state highway, without knowing my destination state. Enough rambling about the analogy, the point being I'm stuck here for atleast a year, and then I have no clue where life shall take me. The options are there, but none too promising or overlapping. Infact they're poles apart. The way I see it, I have 3 options. Work, Study, Go back!
Sounds easy enough. I don't have a job, the way my grades stand, studying further seems far fetched. That leaves going back. I don't want to just yet! Being optimistic, lets say I get my act together, round up a good resume, apply for grad school and get my grades up just in time for graduation. Then what? If I get a job and admission to grad school, what do I choose?
....this will have to end here, got caught up chatting on msn and the train of thought has derailed!

lets do a serious post...

The question is, what do i want out of life?
In the long run, I want to go to heaven...
In the short run, I want to go hand in hand with the devil, no i want the devil to take inspiration from me...

Well not really, i'm not a bad guy...yes i do have devilish desires...i'd like to drink, and party...fuck around...i envy the playboy dude, and the hustler and the penthouse dudes...but i don't really want to harm anyone...no looting, plundering, killing, terrorizing...where does that put me? I'd help people if i had the resources, but i expect to get something in return...

I think every deed is driven by selfish desires. It's just the desires that may not be selfish. I know that doesn't quite make sense. What i mean to say is, if i desire to make people happy and to like me, and i go out of my way to achieve that, am i not just fulfilling a selfish desire. To everyone else it may sound like a selfless act, but if it gives me pleasure and satisfaction, a good night's sleep, peace of mind...am i not just being selfish? If I were an emotionless person, if i was not affected by what people thought of me, or how they felt, would I still go out of my way to do a favor?

Maybe my definition of 'selfish' is messed up...

more randomness...

the weekend is here...before long it will be gone
the homeworks have started piling...the deadlines shall soon be approaching
if i had taken the first two years seriously, i may have known what's going on...
the rest i'll leave to your imagination...
but heck, I have to be smart to be where i am, and i'll pull it off, probably by crook...

i just bought two posters...as a reward for almost cleaning up my room...
1) Challenge: When life presents a challenge... take your shot.
This written under a beautiful picture of a full shot glass and a slice of lime...
2) Relax: The poor long for riches. The rich long for heaven. But the wise desire tranquility.
This written under an amazing picture of white sandy beach, coconut trees and clear water...

i have to go to walmart...get stuff to be able to do my laundry...i'm out of underwear!
theres a dorm trip tomorrow to a beach nearby...i could take the time off...

hurry...

I have about 2 minutes for this post...
I need to take a shower, say my prayers and go for my spanish class...
This should be categorized as 'likes and dislikes'...
I have a fascination, or should i say fetish, for shaved armpits and pretty toes...
I hate it when people leave the labs with chairs halfway across the room, well not quite, but you know what i mean, i mean how hard is it to push it back under the table when you're done? I don't mind doing it, coz i'm paid for it, but comeon...be nice!
My time is up...more under this category soon...

time flies by...

I love my life...I don't know if I just keep repeating that to make myself believe it, or my life really, truly is amazing. From one perspective, and relatively speaking, it is one hell of a life, or should I say 'heavenly' because I am about to thank God? A million thanks to God, when I look around I feel truly blessed.

Back to my usual blabbering, school is in full swing...losing track already. So the first weekend my dorm people had organized a trip to a water park. It was small for american standards, smaller than our very own Aladdin in karachi i thought. I was done trying most of the slides I was brave enough for, and spent a considerable time bobbing and fooling around in the wave pool, all in about 3-4 hours. Then I took it easy, my lung still recovering and anticipating a long weekend ahead.

My friends in Canada told me the night before that they were coming to the US for a short vacation! After hours of arguing, excuses and what not, it was decided they would pick me up from the water park which was about an hour from Chicago, driving all the way from Toronto, stopping at Windsor and Detroit. The plan was to spend the weekend in Chicago. So, with my horrendous road sense, and a visitors map we were off to chicago. After spending some time at Navy Pier and starving ourselves, made it to Devon just in time for dinner. Pakistani time ofcourse. Had a hearty meal of nihari, seekh fry and karahi and then spent the night at a motel in a ghetto suburb.

Next morning we were off to downtown hardly agreeing on what to do and what not to. Spent some time at the beach, walked around downtown, went to the Hancock observatory, (breathtaking view from the 96th floor), a visit to the millenium park, dinner at Chillis and off we were again. But the night was still young, so stopped at the Horseshoe Casino in Indiana. Due to some weird laws only the Hotel and parking lots were on land. The actual casino was on a ship, which is all pretty cool. But being in Indiana, and not being racist or anything the crowd and the staff were 'ghetto' to say the least. In anycase had a fun time winning and then losing all that I had won on some safe betting on Roulette. We left with a negligible negative balance, and in my case $2 positive balance, which I still think was a mistake on the part of the dealer :P

Made it back to campus at about 4 in the morning, slept a few hours at a friends apartment, showed my Canadian friends around campus and then bid them farewell just in time for my second class of the day. Slept through the first one. :D ...

This post is already about 2 weeks late...had another fun weekend, but that I guess should be another post. Should put up some pics too on the picture blog.

back to school...

The tiny vacation, or should i call it a break, whizzed by. School has started, one week down already. After the lazy summer school, with some 8000 freshmen, and beautiful weather...the campus looks like a fish market...but i'm not complaining too much...atleast theres beauty to be appreciated :) ...back to the dorm...still setting up my room...it's my final year, plan to make it grand...arranged for a microwave and fridge already, got a dvd player, but still no tv...i think i'll return the player and use my laptop...going to a water park tomorrow morning, which reminds me i better get some sleep...these dorm sponsored programs have to start early morning :S

Went to see 'Snakes on a Plane' last night...the crowd was great...the movie was funny, everyone should go see it, but leave the movie critic in you at home! I had a great time...don't want to spoil it for anyone.

in memory of the missing post...

Last night, or should I say this morning...I wrote an insanely long post titled more randomness...and boy, was it random...but then the internet went bonkers, theres something wrong with the router and i was too lazy to go and fix it...so, well the post was lost...

I updated the blog yesterday, new look, more links to some of my friends' works and some very interesting, memory rekindling, informative blogs...stuff i can spend hours reading...now i don't know if anyone actually goes through my blog or the links...but it's more for myself...my online desktop, my favorites folder...

I also updated the 'about' part ...with a new description for the blog...incase a chance visitor stumbles upon...so far it doesn't entirely hold true, but i'll make it a point to read it every now and then to remind me of the purpose of this blog and post appropriately. Not to mention i'll try and be more regular.

Randomness...

So, my two week vacation, boring as it may be, is going along pretty fast. I still haven't gotten down to taking the test for a driver's license. I'm crashing at a friend's place, who himself is in Manila...and his apartment mate, probably somewhere in Turkey. The point being, I have a two bedroom, fully furnished, (which for me means internet, cable and airconditioning) all to myself.

Read a Stephen King novel "The Long Walk" last couple of days, pretty disappointing at the ending...I like happy endings, detailed ones, this was just abrupt, sort of like a cliffhanger, leaving it all to the imagination. Now if I wanted to do that, I wouldn't be reading a novel, I'd be writing one.

Been eating a lot of taco bell lately. Finally found the ideal chalupa combination. It has to be baha steak. Not nacho, not supreme. No chicken or beef either! Will have to try their sides and desserts, to get the perfect proper meal combination.

UK continuum...

So in my last post I was ranting about the desiness, ghetoness, misfitness of Southhall, the place not to be when you're belching out pound sterlings for a vacation. So anyways once I was done with the community obligations, I was invited to crash in my friend's dorm room at LSE.

Him being the hardworking, focused, motivated, career minded individual, smack in the middle of finals, in his final year, had warned me before hand "You could not have chosen a worse time!".

So anyways we watched some movie, I forget which...ah yes the Da Vinci code...i'm not a movie critic so don't expect a review. I think I enjoyed "John Tucker must die" more.

So anyways, this other friend in Manchester, another hard working studious guy, now in a PhD program, was all done with his finals...so as expected, I took a train next morning and was in Manchester. I'd rather live in Manchester than London, maybe another reason why of all the places in the states, I chose central Indiana. That's blog material, but on another post maybe.

So down in Manchester, or should i be saying up? I don't know, the only Geography I ever studied was Pakistan Studies...saw another couple of movies, MI3 and X-Men3...went to a posh indian restaurant, don't find too many of those...yes they're usually all expensive but rarely posh! Went to some club, no luck with girls...met up with another old school friend, made new ones. Good time!

So well Manchester covered, we decided to explore Scotland, so got on to a bus and off we went. Next stop Glasgow. Nice modern city and everything. But it was a Bank holiday, the cheap hostels were all packed. The guy at the reception told us to go sleep at the airport! Nay! we checked all the hotels nearby, except ofcourse a few that we were sure we couldn't afford! Ended up spending the night at the bus stop, or whatever remained of it after chilling at a sports bar till it closed. At the crack of dawn we were out again. Found a coffee shop, just the thing to keep us going...

In a couple of hours we were on a bus to Edinburgh. Now this place is definitely beautiful. Castles, hills, modern architecture ...classy! End of the day, back to Manchester!

So after some rest...forget how many days, the friend back in London was done with his exams too...so off I went. Met up with more people, friends old and new. Went to Thorpe Park, roller coaster heaven. Played some cricket, ate some good desi food, chilled...good time!

And it was time to go back...back to Purdue for two months of intense summer school!

My spending spree...

Going back a little in time...when the lungs were healthy and fine!

Spring semester ended satisfactorily, pulled up a failing grade in one course and fell to B's and C's in the ones I was doing well...all to familiar. No regrets!

Was planning a trip to Canada for quite some time, got in touch with long lost friends, tried to gather some company, looked up airfare, visa procedure and all. One night my mom calls me up and tells me to try and go to London instead, Syedna was going to be there for his birthday, and my friends from Canada were planning to go as well. Long distance call, terminated. But the idea made through, spent the night collecting documents, sent in the Visa application the next morning, got it in four days and was on a flight a few days later to London! Spent the first week or so with the friends from Canada, attending Bohra community events and all and sightseeing, stayed at the desi-town Southhall. Now this place is as ghetto as it gets, desi style. There was a Gurdwara and gym style thingy for pehlwaans and not to mention a line of other desi shops. Actually, I hardly recall seeing any white people there. The railway station, no the tube didn't come this far, had Punjabi subtitles! (Can I use subtitles in this context? Who cares!). I think that's about enough for this post, I could go on rambling but should leave something for later!

the price of freedom...

Summer session is over, all done with exams, no more, no more! But it'll only last about 17 days or so. And what do I plan to do? I'd rather not plan. Plans have a knack of going haywire.

Had planned to go to Chicago for the weekend last week. Instead, I was in hospital with a chest tube shoved through my side, sucking air out. Why? Because my lung went kapish, well not totally, more like the air whizzed out. Doesn't it always? Well yes, but in my case, it didn't come out through the nose or mouth, but through a hole somewhere in my right lung. Now, the human body is not as porous...girls might complain all day about pores, but that's a different story. The point being, the leaked air trapped inside, compressed the lung, defined as a spontaneous pneumothorax, in layman's terms, a 'collapsed lung'.

This happened the second time in about just over a month! So, I am to rest, which means I cannot fly, cabin pressure and all that crap. There go my houston plans. Had bought a student discounted ticket, so the refund was less than the penalty and service charges.

The wretched run doesn't end yet. My apartment lease ends in a few days, so I mailed the dorm people to let me move in early. But no! I can't move in till four days after I have to move out of the apartment. And even then I have to pay every night till the contract for next semester kicks in. Thank God for friends, I have several places to crash. And crash I will till my contract starts. Not paying a bloody dime! Take that!

Back again, just spent hours on the Karachi metblog. I am not the type of person to be looking back and 'missing' anything...I came up with the expression "Home is where the heart is, and I carry my heart with me" ...but then you do tend to lose your heart once in a while...though lately i've been losing my lung! Weird eh! So well it's been almost six months since my previous post, and I think I have accumulated a lot of material for some long posts. But it's 5.40 in the morning and it's final's week, better get my ass offline!

back again!...friday night i had nothing to do and was too lazy to go out...so i slept...and so i am up at 8 in the morning on a saturday!! hope i can make use of it...this is not a very good use...but i think if i write a little everyday, i will get better at it...besides i'm pretty sure i'm the only one reading it ...better get going...

so i've been gone a while...i just read that last post...thought i'd write a continuum...is that a word? too lazy to check right now...so yeah that exam i was talking about...till the end of the semester i was pretty much clueless in that course...but somehow i managed to pass it...heard they were easy on the people not in the same major...lucky me...but yeah, i managed to salvage the semester from that point on ...or should i say...lady luck decided to shine upon me yet again.
Went to karachi for the winter break, after a year and a half, and disappointingly got bored in only 20 days! i guess i've become accustomed to the torturous, monotonous, american university life. Missed the first week of classes, the second week went whizzing by, with late night work shifts and and organizing my new room. I love the new room at the dorm. Just hope i can keep it organized. Came back with a lot of resolutions, lets see how many i stick to. Will try and be more regular here...need to update the picture blog too ...and get down to some serious studying...i'm a junior now...halfway through ...time surely flies!!